Everwild

Today I transition from trying Provigil for two weeks to taking it every morning indefinitely. It passed the test. Not with flying colors, but certainly well enough to facilitate a seven-hour trip to Roanoke on Monday, leave me with energy when I got home, and not feeling completely annihilated the following day. Today’s the ultimate pass-fail for Monday, though; the crushing exhaustion usually catches up with me the second day following an excursion.

I haven’t had any adverse side effects on Provigil, and although I can tell it’s in my system, it’s not uncomfortably intrusive. My appetite has changed, but is neither eradicated nor amplified out of control. Provigil does make me a bit … hmmm … happyhappyHAPPY (!!) when it first kicks in, but this seems more a psychological reaction than it does physical; I don’t feel amped out of my skull on amphetamines and driven by that mustmustMUSTcleaneverynookinthehouse compulsion. I do exercise caution in that first hour. I’m not too keen on post-exertional malaise sneaking up and catching me unaware. Awareness is the Fibromite’s best friend.

As of yet, I haven’t been able to find any research on whether or not Provigil causes serious long-term damage, and I will continue searching, but I’m not giving up this medication without a fight. I still slog — it’s NOT a magic bullet — but I don’t feel as if I’m trudging uphill everysingleday and getting nowhere. On Sunday, I even challenged Jon to a game of Scrabble — got my tush handed to me (on the fancy china, no less!) — and never once felt lost or befuddled.

It’s nice, the possibility of thinking and writing from a clear mind again, or the ability to read more than a book a month (not counting craft and hobby books, which fall under “picture books”). Maybe I won’t have to keep notes about the notes I keep. :)

It’s nice, this not having to pretend I’m hopeful.

A caution if you’re considering taking Provigil: it’s not FDA approved for Chronic Fatigue or Fibromyalgia and your insurance company may refuse to pay for it. It’s expensive ($75 or more a month; I take 100 mg daily), but not ridiculous (like Lyrica), and — my opinion only — is more effective at what it does. FDA approval could be a curse, driving the cost up (as was the case with Lyrica) and rendering it inaccessible to almost everyone who might need it. Next, Provigil doesn’t reduce pain. However, I find not having to constantly resist the accumulation of pain and fatigue makes a difference in how I perceive pain.

On some days, it’s enough.